With Apologies to That Guy

I got into a very deep, very unexpected discussion last night/this morning. It lasted ’til about 5am, and spanned from the effects of Socialism to the nature of God.

What I came away from the discussion with is this:

I have to be more diligent in my testimony of Jesus Christ.

I don’t know who might be reading this, so for sake of explanation, I’ll say that I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

Our discussion went to certain depths because of a friend of mine who is also a member of the church. He is struggling with his testimony at the moment, and frankly very confused. I feel for him. And, I only mention him to make the point that I, myself, need to be much more diligent in living the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I need to be much more diligent because I am not confused. I know certain things to be true, and I don’t want to reach the point where I am confused. Just because I possess that knowledge right now, does not mean that I’m not in danger of losing it.

The Doctrine and Covenants teaches us in section 93, verse 39 that Satan takes light and truth away from us, when we are disobedient. It is entirely possible that someone who knows truth, as I currently do, can reach the point where they no longer recognize truth. They reach that point through disobedience. And, it’s not always blatant disobedience. Sometimes, it’s complacency, laziness, procrastination… it’s not always doing something you know is wrong. Sometimes, it’s not doing something you know is right. I’ve known several people who were once firm in their faith in Christ, and yet, because of disobedience have reached a point in their lives where they no longer know the truth. Most of them would tell you that they never knew. It is a very scary thought to me, to think that I am just as capable of losing the knowledge I hold so dear to my heart as those I have seen fall away. For this reason, I must strengthen the testimony I currently hold. I have to live my life in accordance with God’s will. I have to be obedient. I can’t move forward without obedience, nor can I stand still… I will only fall.

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I posted not too long ago about how I don’t like people. That post was motivated largely by a confrontation I’d had with someone earlier that night. He was a complete stranger, we yelled at each other across the street, and we weren’t yelling friendly salutations. I bring this up simply to say that two days later, as I was sitting in my Sunday meetings, I felt extremely guilty for having lost my temper with someone I don’t even know, in such an aggressive manner.

My reaction to the situation was the furthest thing from Christ-like imaginable. I, who claim to know the truth. Who claim to know Christ. How can I react to someone in such a horrible manner? Even if I wasn’t in the wrong in the initial confrontation, that would be beside the point. I have a responsibility to treat others with kindness and respect, as difficult as that may be at times.

I wish to apologize to that guy. I don’t know who he is. I doubt he’ll ever read this and think “Hey… that was me he was yelling at.” But, I don’t know how else to correct my actions, other than to try to be mindful of my choices and make a better decision the next time I’m confronted with a similar situation.

That’s my goal. I want to be more Christ-like. I want my life to emulate the truths I love with my whole heart. I want to stay close to the Gospel of my Lord and Savior. By doing so, I know He will stay close to me. In a world torn apart by such turmoil as we see today, I need Him and so do you.